Exploring Dangerous Territory
How do I untangle the mess in my head? Years erased in a blink. Memories squashed in one sentence. I lost too many things today, because of her...of him...of the uncertainty.
Truth is absolute. If only there wasn't so many versions of it. If only objectivity exists in its pure definition.
I am sorry too, dearest. Three years is a long time, much of what you remember no longer exist. What we have are memories of fondness, good times thru the bad, a youth long past. I trusted those memories, believing that I still knew you despite the years and the distance. It only confirmed my instincts, you and I have grown separately. It could have been easily fixed. We could have spent more time together so we could reach the same wavelength again. But it was not meant to be.
Murky. That is the only word that can describe this afternoon's events. You asked me to choose between being a friend, a boss, and a daughter. I struggle to remain neutral, to give the benefit of the doubt to everyone involved. I cannot choose. I cannot even entertain the idea for a long time or else my head will explode. I am trying to understand, to study all levels and angles. I still do not get it.
I have to let you go. You have unknowingly severed all the ties I have with you. Forgive me, I am not strong enough to pretend that I can still treat you the same way. You are the fork, and I refuse to choose one path, one belief. All the roads you present do not lead to where I want to be. I might as well say goodbye now while I can still hug you tight with affection and mean it. I am so sorry this had to happen. I did not want this and I know, neither did you.
I do not know if time will do its part. I do not know if one day I will look at you and not think of what had happened. But I will try. I wish you peace of mind. I wish you happiness. I wish you clarity. Be well, my dearest. May you find it in your heart to forgive him...me.
I still trust your words, your promise of discretion. My knowledge of it has caused more damage than you can fathom. You have punished him enough just by telling me, for I am the one paying the price. If I had ever meant anything to you, please, I beg of you, do not make matters worse by soliciting sympathy from others. The judgment will fall on me. One that I do not, in any way, deserve.
Please remember my words. You need guidance. The world as you paint it is different from how it really is. I urge you to acknowledge the difference because not everyone can be as understanding and patient as I. I did not want to be the one to burst your bubble. I wanted to help. I wanted to be there for you like before. This time though, I cannot be there for you without sacrificing a huge part of myself. I hope you understand. Again, I did not want this.
Goodbye, my dearest. May time be kind to both of us.
Truth is absolute. If only there wasn't so many versions of it. If only objectivity exists in its pure definition.
I am sorry too, dearest. Three years is a long time, much of what you remember no longer exist. What we have are memories of fondness, good times thru the bad, a youth long past. I trusted those memories, believing that I still knew you despite the years and the distance. It only confirmed my instincts, you and I have grown separately. It could have been easily fixed. We could have spent more time together so we could reach the same wavelength again. But it was not meant to be.
Murky. That is the only word that can describe this afternoon's events. You asked me to choose between being a friend, a boss, and a daughter. I struggle to remain neutral, to give the benefit of the doubt to everyone involved. I cannot choose. I cannot even entertain the idea for a long time or else my head will explode. I am trying to understand, to study all levels and angles. I still do not get it.
I have to let you go. You have unknowingly severed all the ties I have with you. Forgive me, I am not strong enough to pretend that I can still treat you the same way. You are the fork, and I refuse to choose one path, one belief. All the roads you present do not lead to where I want to be. I might as well say goodbye now while I can still hug you tight with affection and mean it. I am so sorry this had to happen. I did not want this and I know, neither did you.
I do not know if time will do its part. I do not know if one day I will look at you and not think of what had happened. But I will try. I wish you peace of mind. I wish you happiness. I wish you clarity. Be well, my dearest. May you find it in your heart to forgive him...me.
I still trust your words, your promise of discretion. My knowledge of it has caused more damage than you can fathom. You have punished him enough just by telling me, for I am the one paying the price. If I had ever meant anything to you, please, I beg of you, do not make matters worse by soliciting sympathy from others. The judgment will fall on me. One that I do not, in any way, deserve.
Please remember my words. You need guidance. The world as you paint it is different from how it really is. I urge you to acknowledge the difference because not everyone can be as understanding and patient as I. I did not want to be the one to burst your bubble. I wanted to help. I wanted to be there for you like before. This time though, I cannot be there for you without sacrificing a huge part of myself. I hope you understand. Again, I did not want this.
Goodbye, my dearest. May time be kind to both of us.
whispered by E-vil at 12:48 AM
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