Crash

I'm crashing. Fast. Chunks at a time, how much can my heart take? I thought it was stone, hard and tough. I was wrong. Even stone chips away under constant hammering. I've received more than enough hammering that I can take.

I need to stop. Breathe. Step back. But I'm stuck in the middle and I can't escape. I'm the only one trying to hold the pieces together. I want to move. I need to escape but there's nowhere to go.

No one gets it. Not even John. "Don't worry, don't stress, relax, chill, breathe." So easy for them to say because they're not me. They're oceans away and no one's here to hold me. That's the only thing I need right now, for someone to hold me, shush my rare tears. No one's here.

My knees are buckling from the weight of it all. Soon I will fall. No one will catch me and I will hit the floor. Hard. No one will be there to pick me up and I have to struggle to stand again. I have lost the reason, I see no motivation. None at all.

I am blank and empty. They've wiped me out completely. I cry out, they stop and listen but don't really hear what I'm trying to say. I am swaying slowly now, legs are jelly. The pills are within my reach. I will take them now and sleep. I hope I never wake.