What comes after the great blind plunge?

Being an E popper back in the day, I am all too familiar with the damn crash following a night of non-stop partying. The experience can be compared to being stuck in the bottom of a pan half-filled with water and dishwashing liquid. You soak and soak for hours, waiting to be unglued and float, finally, to the surface. Sometimes it takes only an hour or two, but if you're darn out of luck, the whole crash takes its sweeeeet time.

My last week in the desert was a constant high that lasted through an 8 hour trip to Singapura, a whole day of eating, chilling and shopping with my good ol' friend Dae, and 4 more hours on the plane to Manila. The crash hit me during late lunch with the family at my ultimate fave chicken place Maxx's.

I don't know if it was extreme happiness or loneliness, but my Mom decided to have her very own mini-monologue just as we were contemplating dessert. From that point on, I realised my vacation was shot. I had envisioned three whole weeks of relaxation where the world would revolve around my comfort and peace of mind. I would be the center of the universe again, and not the third world poor brown stupid girl trying to enter a white man's world. Little did I know, my old yoke as the "man of the house" was still waiting for me.

A night out with friends worsened things. It all felt fake, and forced, and insincere. I don't fit anymore, to their schedules, in their lives...unofficially a foreigner in my own home. I was happy one second, contemplative the next, and bitter after that. Some vacation...

Oddly enough, it gave me a different perspective on my life in the desert. It wasn't bad, not bad at all. I had failed to appreciate it for what it's worth, and I see now why so many of us, Pinoys, get "stuck" there for years. If anything else, this "vacation" has indeed strengthened me, increased my drive and determination to be better than ever at my work, and taught me to give Dubai a little more credit than I was willing to shell out.

So, I return a week earlier than scheduled for the real vacation. To spend time with my man, and be the center of his universe. What's the use of drugs when his love is intoxicating enough?...