The Need

I need to learn. Too many whys in my head that I need to answer. Too many open endings that need a conclusion. Too many unexplained effects that need causes.

I seek to understand.

My mind struggles to comprehend people, decisions, circumstances. Perhaps a straight line truly does not exist. Maybe I am wasting valuable time in trying to find answers.

I crave for enlightenment.

Shall I blame myself for opening my consciousness to seeing levels I was blind to before? Should I ignore what I observe and stop my thoughts before they form a coherent whole? Would I be able to refrain from using this new ability and pretend that I never had it in the first place?

I have to know.

I care, therefore, I need. I cannot deny this to myself. I cannot defy my emotions. I cannot fight my own mind. I cannot subject myself to blind and ignorant existence.

This is who I am. An individual with a question mark in her soul.