Book-warned

Five years ago, I was warned by my then roommate never to read this one particular book. This was the day after our housemate's balding psychic boyfriend told me that I was capable of so much evil being a human sacrifice in one of my past lives and all. Somehow that bit became a part of my comic routine when introducing myself to new people. Hi, I'm E. Please be warned that I'm capable of so much evil since I was a freakin virgin who got thrown into a volcano in one of my past lives. *insert instant laughter*

What is evil anyways and who's to say which is black and which is white, and which is, in fact, simply grey??? If killing someone is considered evil then how about manipulating other people to get what you want? Is that evil too? If that's the case then all human beings are evil since we are all guilty of manipulation and other such devices in all of our relationships. Even mere children play the same game..crying to get attention, batting their baby blues, browns, greys, greens, or blacks to look the absolute cutest possible and get what they want. Those of us who are more blatant with our wiles are called conniving, manipulative bastards and bitches. Others, who are more subtle, are the true masters since they get on with their lives (and relationships) without a tad of suspicion that they are up to no good.

Why was I warned against reading that book? Did my friends see a side of me that I never acknowledgd? Were they afraid that I would, in fact, be greatly influenced by the information in the book and be forever changed?

A few days ago I was able to get a copy of the book and when I read the cover I suddenly understood why I was not supposed to read it. Information is power and, when used correctly, it would elevate one to unimaginable heights. If manipulation is evil then that book is a sure ticket to hell (or limbo, or wherever evil people supposedly end up according to those who actually have a religion and believe in a god). I've just finished the preface and I know I should turn back, close the book, and burn it. That would be the right thing to do, but who's to say what is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is bad? The church? The government? Society? When it comes right down to it, whose standard applies but my own?

I can be considered a very proud person who have rigid principles in life. Stepping on other people's shoes or whole persons to get along in life has never been my thing, hence, I've never been any good in politics (be it in the playground or in the office). I do my work caring only for output and not appearances. Be it backbreaking manual labor or paper work, I do my part without any consideration for how I may look to others. Whatever needs to be done, I do, and try my best to do well. Every single thing I have now, I bought with my own money, the real fruits of my efforts. Yes, I still do care for the nicer material things in life but only if I pay for them myself. Others call it stupid pride or downright impracticality. Still, it's what makes me sleep soundly at night...the thought that I owe nothing to anybody.

If I take to heart the knowledge written in that book, I would have to compromise..something I have had difficulty with since time immemorial. Is it time to finally be practical, learn to play the game of life, and play it well? Will it be wise to embrace the power I have but conveniently ignored? Can I fully and unashamedly be evil?

Perhaps it's too soon to tell, with 48 chapters to go. We shall see. We shall see indeed.